Zombies Can't Breakdance

Writing about zombies is tough.  It’s even more difficult when you really don’t know that much about them.  I began searching for someone who knows a little bit more about zombies than I do (which should be just about any high school janitor).  I came across a modern gentleman by the name of Mike Esser.  Mike has a very impressive blog, so I decided to send him an e-mail.  He is currently working on his third book in The Deadz trilogy, took only nine minutes to respond to my initial e-mail.  My faith in human kindness was immediately restored.  He even zomplimented (that was initially a typo until I looked at it twice and saw that it was AWESOME) me on my blog here at ZCB, which as this thing begins to take off, was a very inspiring and encouraging thing to hear.  It really made my day.  It also made me feel like I’m in some type of elite club now that I write about zombies.  If such a club existed, he would be the president/owner/operator/CEO and I would be his errand boy.  I’d call it FAZE:  the Fraternal Alliance of Zombie Enthusiasts.  Wait a second; that’s actually pretty legit.  Let me know, Mike.

I developed some questions to get the low-down on all the hard-hitting zombie curiosities and e-mailed them to Mike.  I wasn’t sure if he would even respond after reading them (you’ll understand why shortly), but he did, and in fact said he had fun answering them.  Please, if anyone reads this blog ever, I really want to encourage you to check Mike’s stuff out.  It was very selfless of him to take time out of his day and chat with me, and he works hard to produce top-notch material.  The least you could do to repay him for doing this article with me is send him some love.

http://www.TheDeadz.com   This is Mike’s blog, complete with awesome blood-splatter background.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87804   This is a link to where you can buy Mike’s e-book, The Deadz.  It has been reviewed very positively, and at only 99 cents, even Dennis Rodman can afford it.  And if he can’t, I’ll buy it for him.  Also, an open invitation here: if anyone buys the book and wants to write a book review, I would be happy to let you do a blog here about it.

Q&A with Mike Esser

I see that you have a blog, a couple of eBooks published, as well as working on your zombie novel trilogy The Deadz.  Any other notable projects you’d like to share?

I have been working on the third installment of my series. I’m calling it, “The Deadz Won’t Rize.” Then, as far as fiction, I’m moving on to a mafia series called, “Mikey Batts.”

What initially sparked your interest in zombies?

I love all what’s thought of as traditional horror characters. Plus, I was a fan of the Walking Dead comics from day one. When I moved to a small town I thought, “What would happen to this town if a zombie outbreak were to happen? We’re far enough from anywhere that it could get ugly.”

I have heard several different theories on what will actually cause the zombie apocalypse.  Many popular theories include an infection outbreak, some take the spiritual road and say quote numerous biblical scriptures, and currently I’m working on a theory involving Tom Cruise and a mermaid.  Where will it all begin?

I think you and I are on the same page, damn it Tom Cruise! No really, maybe it will be a divinely inspired cleansing that plays on a human weakness. Like drug addiction and these recent bath salt mutilations?

In Shaun of the Dead, Simon Pegg (Shaun) uses a cricket bat.  Better or worse than a slow-pitch softball bat?

I think the solid cricket bat would cause more damage and create less fatigue. Softball bats tend to release a ton of vibration when they strike solid skull.

What do you assume an average zombie’s IQ will be?

The charts say anything under 50 and the individual would probably be required to be institutionalized and since most zombies have only two objectives, feed their dying flesh and spread the disease, I’d have to guess maybe somewhere in the 40′s?

Can zombies swim?

No, they can’t swim. But, they can walk and don’t need to breathe. See the first Pirates of the Caribbean.

In your professional opinion, please give me a percentage to the likelihood that zombies can in fact breakdance?

According to Michael Jackson’s Thriller, 100%.

Can domesticated animals become zombies?

I have heard from the so-called experts that it isn’t possible. But, with so many possible origins how would they know for sure? I address this in the first two Deadz books, where in fact, animals are transformed.

If you had to be eaten, would you rather it be the zombie version Rosie O’Donnell or Justin Bieber?

Rosie. Her human version is obviously used to eating fast and I think her zombie version would keep that trait and finish me off quick.

What is the post apocalypse plan for disposing of zombie bodies?

Fire or an acid vats.

Do you feel like all zombies will be on a similar playing field, or will some have an advantage due to race? 

I think that the things that made one strong as a living person will somewhat translate into their zombies. So, if they were athletic or flexible, small or slow it will play a role. As far as race, I don’t seeing that translate unless there is some cognitive thoughts remaining and then deads might form clicks?

It seems like finding clean drinking water will be everyone’s number one priority in surviving a zombie apocalypse.  Is there anything more important to seek out while everyone else fights over clean water?

Twinkies.

Cranberries – Zombie — best zombie song of all time?

Love that song. It’s either that one or Your Favorite Martians, “Zombie Love Long.”

Mike was able to answer all of the questions, and do so eloquently with facts and humor.

Mike, ZCB thanks you again for the kind words and the Q&A session, and wish the best of luck with your upcoming publications. I hope we are able to work together again soon.